Influence is one of those words that appears in every leadership conversation, yet remains misunderstood. Many professionals believe it comes from authority, seniority, or the loudest voice in the room. In truth, influence begins with something far quieter and more personal: connection. It is not a title bestowed, but a skill developed through deliberate communication, empathy, and courage.
In modern workplaces—especially in technical, research, or engineering environments—leadership success depends less on command and more on trust. The leaders who stand out are those who listen carefully, ask thoughtful questions, and stay grounded even in difficult dynamics. Influence built on connection is far more resilient than influence built on control. It lasts because it is earned.
This idea formed the core of a recent professional development session by the Women in STEM Network, Influencing Skills to Drive Leadership Success, led by Phyllis Sarkaria, Executive Coach, Author, and Founder of The Sarkaria Group. Phyllis’s session explored how leaders can strengthen their professional presence without losing authenticity. Drawing from over three decades of experience across global industries, she showed how connection, curiosity, and clarity form the foundation of true leadership influence.
Influence Begins with Connection
Phyllis’s message was clear: genuine influence starts with trust. Leaders who connect on a human level, who listen, who ask before telling, who remain calm in uncertainty, command respect naturally. People do not follow authority blindly; they follow authenticity. When trust is present, communication flows more easily, collaboration deepens, and resistance fades.
She explained that many people mistake visibility for influence. Being heard is important, but being understood and trusted is transformative. In workplaces where women’s voices are sometimes underestimated or interrupted, building influence through connection becomes both a skill and a form of professional resilience.
Curiosity as a Leadership Power Tool
Curiosity, Phyllis argued, is one of the most underrated forms of leadership intelligence. It shifts the focus from defending to discovering. When conversations become tense, curiosity opens them up again. Asking questions such as “What matters most to you in this decision?” or “How can we make this work for everyone?” moves dialogue away from confrontation toward collaboration.
Curiosity also signals respect. It tells people that their perspective is worth exploring. Leaders who consistently approach discussions with curiosity create a culture where others feel safe to contribute ideas, challenge assumptions, and share risks. That sense of psychological safety is the bedrock of innovation.
Leadership Isn’t About Having All the Answers
One of the most liberating insights from Phyllis’s talk was that leadership does not require omniscience. In fact, pretending to have every answer can diminish credibility. Real authority grows when leaders ask better questions, not when they rush to provide solutions.
Phyllis explained that strong leaders are facilitators of clarity, not fountains of information. They help teams think, not just act. This approach encourages shared ownership and increases confidence across teams. It also models humility, reminding others that leadership is about enabling success, not monopolising it.
For women in technical or research-focused roles, this point was particularly empowering. It reframed expertise not as pressure to know everything, but as capacity to guide meaningful inquiry.
The Hard Work of “Simple” Leadership
Listening. Asking questions. Building trust. On paper, these sound simple. In practice, they are among the hardest habits to sustain. Phyllis reminded attendees that effective influence requires continual reflection. Every conversation offers a chance to practise presence, empathy, and curiosity, but only if leaders are conscious of how they communicate.
True leadership influence grows slowly, through consistent behaviour. It is visible in how one handles disagreement, responds to interruption, or gives credit. Phyllis encouraged participants to think of influence as a craft: something honed through patience and practice rather than achieved overnight.
Reclaiming Power in Difficult Dynamics
The session also tackled one of the most common professional challenges: how to stay influential when dynamics are tough. One participant shared that a colleague frequently interrupted and talked over her. Another described receiving short, dismissive answers from peers. Phyllis addressed both scenarios with insight and empathy.
She explained that power is not only external, it is internal. By preparing thoughtfully, maintaining calm presence, and responding strategically, anyone can regain a sense of agency. Influence is not about controlling others; it is about controlling one’s approach. When you stay composed, you create space for others to notice your steadiness. That consistency builds long-term credibility.
Phyllis also noted that influence can thrive even when authority is limited. In fact, influence that grows under constraint is often the most durable. It comes from integrity and consistency, not position.
The Art of Strategic Questioning
Phyllis spent considerable time on the skill of asking questions. She explained that poorly framed questions can shut down discussion, while well-framed ones invite engagement. For instance, “Why did you do that?” can sound judgmental, whereas “What led you to that decision?” encourages openness.
Strategic questioning, she said, transforms conversations. It turns conflict into learning and moves relationships from guarded to genuine. It also helps leaders understand what motivates others, making influence more effective because it is aligned with shared values.
For participants who often work in analytical fields, this was a revelation: the skill that drives influence is not just technical precision but conversational precision.
Presence Over Performance
Another powerful theme of Phyllis’s session was presence. In many workplaces, women feel pressure to perform confidence rather than embody it. Phyllis reframed presence as the quiet power of being fully engaged, listening, observing, and responding with intention.
She noted that presence communicates authority without aggression. It is how leaders anchor a room without raising their voice. When people sense steadiness and focus, they listen differently. Presence builds trust faster than any title or credential can.
Phyllis described presence as a combination of awareness and alignment: awareness of how one is being perceived, and alignment between what one says and what one values. When these two dimensions meet, authenticity becomes visible.
The Courage to Lead with Clarity
Clarity, according to Phyllis, is the moral compass of influence. Without it, leaders may gain compliance but not commitment. She encouraged attendees to define their values clearly and communicate them consistently. When people know where you stand, they can decide to stand with you.
Clarity also helps navigate uncertainty. Leaders who are clear about purpose can adapt strategies without losing direction. Phyllis shared how clarity in communication builds not just influence, but integrity. It allows people to trust your word and rely on your judgement.
Courage and clarity go hand in hand. Courage is what allows a person to maintain clarity in the face of opposition. It is what transforms influence from persuasion into purpose.
Reflection as a Leadership Discipline
Phyllis encouraged participants to view reflection not as self-criticism, but as strategic learning. Every conversation can teach something about tone, timing, or intent. Reflection helps leaders spot patterns, moments when their influence felt strong, and moments when it faltered.
She reminded everyone that leadership growth rarely happens in public victories; it happens in private reflection. When leaders take time to examine their impact, they sharpen their influence for the future.
Influence as a Shared Practice
The Women in STEM Network has long emphasised that professional growth is not an individual journey but a collective one. Phyllis’s session reinforced this beautifully. Influence is relational; it lives between people. Developing it requires community, feedback, and shared learning.
Participants left the session not only with practical tools but with a renewed sense of confidence. They understood that influence is not about being louder or more dominant, but about being clearer, kinder, and more intentional.
One of the most powerful takeaways came near the end, when Phyllis said, “Influence is not granted to you—it grows with you.” That message resonated across the group, a reminder that authentic leadership is accessible to everyone willing to practise awareness, empathy, and courage.
Why This Matters for Women in STEM
For women working in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics, influence often develops in complex environments where expertise is high and visibility uneven. Many talented professionals find their ideas overlooked or attributed elsewhere, not because their ideas lack merit, but because influence is a subtle skill not always taught in technical education.
Phyllis’s framework, connection, curiosity, clarity, offers a practical roadmap. It helps women translate technical credibility into professional authority. It empowers them to shape dialogue, advocate for ideas, and lead change without sacrificing authenticity.
Leadership in STEM is evolving. As organisations recognise the need for inclusive cultures and diverse thinking, the ability to influence with empathy is becoming a core professional competency. Workshops like this one help bridge the gap between skill and influence, ensuring that more voices are not only heard but heeded.
A Continuing Journey
Influence is not static; it grows with self-awareness and intention. The lessons from Phyllis Sarkaria’s session remind every professional that leadership is not defined by position but by presence. Influence thrives where trust, curiosity, and courage coexist.
For anyone seeking to deepen their impact, build credibility, and communicate with purpose, this session is a valuable resource. It blends practical advice with reflective insight in a way that is both relatable and actionable.
You can now watch Influencing Skills to Drive Leadership Success on demand: https://womeninstemnetwork.com/on-demand-workshops-for-women/